When Unity Requires Letting Go
True unity is not forcing sameness, but walking together in the same Spirit.
“Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.”
— Philippians 1:27a
Unity is a foundational principle in the Christian life. Paul urges believers to stand firm in one Spirit and strive together for the gospel (Philippians 1:27). But what happens when unity seems impossible? When different perspectives pull in opposite directions, is it always wrong to step away?
I once led a discipleship group in my church as part of a larger vision of our Discipleship Paster to establish smaller groups focused on deepening our walk with Christ. Each group consisted of one to four individuals of the same gender, meeting weekly to grow together. My heart was set on guiding men into a deeper experience of Christ—not just learning about Him, but learning from Him as their very life.
But my group was… unusual. One man longed for deep theological studies, eager to dissect doctrines. Another, an older man, had a passion for teaching theology. And then there was one brother who was desperate for the exchanged life, longing for freedom in Christ. Each week became a battle. Rather than a discipleship group centered on growing in Christ, it became a tug-of-war over what we should be doing—me trying to guide them into walking in Christ, while the others debated about Him.
For three hours every Monday night, I found myself wrestling with resistance. The group was supposed to be about living the Christian life in intimacy with Christ, not merely filling our heads with more knowledge. Eventually, the strain became unbearable. I wasn’t leading—I was debating. So I made the difficult decision to step away from the group and focus on those who truly wanted to grow in their relationship with Christ.
The result? The two men who wanted a theology study formed their own group. And the brother who desired the exchanged life? He is now walking in the freedom of Christ, filled with His peace and joy, and has even started his own online ministry to share this life with others.
Did I Fail to Keep Unity?
Paul’s call to unity in Philippians 1:27 isn’t about keeping people together at all costs—it’s about standing firm in one Spirit and striving together for the gospel. True unity isn’t found in forcing everyone into the same room; it’s found in a shared life in Christ.
If staying in that group meant endlessly debating rather than growing, was it truly unity? No. It was a struggle to merge two completely different purposes. Unity isn’t when people stay together physically—it’s when they move in the same direction spiritually.
Paul and Barnabas: A Biblical Parallel
In Acts 15:36-41, Paul and Barnabas had a sharp disagreement over John Mark. They parted ways, yet both continued in ministry. Their split wasn’t a failure; it was a necessary step for the gospel to advance in different directions.
Likewise, stepping away from a situation where the purpose has fractured isn’t abandoning unity—it’s preserving it. By walking with the one brother who truly desired to grow, I upheld the very heart of unity: standing firm in Christ and striving together in the gospel.
When Should You Step Away?
When the purpose is divided – If a group has competing visions, forcing unity may do more harm than good.
When the focus shifts from Christ to debate – If discussion replaces discipleship, the group is no longer achieving its goal.
When striving together is no longer possible – If unity in Christ is lost, parting ways may be the best path forward.
Final Thought
Unity isn’t about keeping everyone in the same place—it’s about moving in the same Spirit. True spiritual unity is found in the indwelling life of Christ, not in endless discussions about Him. Letting go of a group that is pulling in a different direction isn’t failure; it’s wisdom. Sometimes, the best way to preserve unity is to walk with those who are ready to stand firm in Christ and move forward together.
Prayer of Confidence
Father, I rest in the unity You have already given in Christ. I trust You to lead me where true fellowship is found—in the Spirit, in dependence upon You, and in striving together for the gospel. Thank You that I don’t have to force unity where it doesn’t exist, but that I can walk in the peace of knowing that You bring together those who are yielded to You. Amen.
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