Deny Yourself… or Discover Who You Already Are?
I didn’t lose myself—I found my life hidden in Christ, and I walk from that place of rest.
A Grace-Centered Dialogue on Surrender, Self-Identity, and the Life of Christ in You
“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” – Luke 9:23
“You have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” – Colossians 3:3
A Conversation on a Walk
Jordan:
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to deny myself and follow Jesus. Like… actually deny myself. Say no to what I want, say yes to whatever He wants. If I’m honest, it feels a little exhausting—like there’s always some deeper level of surrender I haven’t reached yet.
Me:
Yeah, I used to live in that headspace too—constantly measuring how surrendered I was. Like, “Am I denying myself enough to really be a disciple?” It made the Christian life feel more like a treadmill than a journey with Jesus.
Jordan’s Concern: Obedience Requires Surrender
Jordan furrows his brow. “But isn’t that what Jesus said? Luke 9:23—‘Deny yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow Me.’ That doesn’t sound like identity talk. That sounds like hard choices. Isn’t self-denial the core of discipleship?”
He flips to a few more verses:
Romans 12:1 – “Present your bodies as a living sacrifice...”
Matthew 16:24 – “Whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”
Galatians 5:24 – “Those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”
“This isn’t just a mindset,” he says. “It’s a lifestyle. You give up your rights, your plans, your dreams—because following Jesus costs everything.”
My Response: Yes… But Look at Who Died
“You’re absolutely right,” I say, “but here’s what changed everything for me: I started reading those verses in light of what already happened at the cross.”
I flip open to Colossians 3:3 – “You have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”
And Galatians 2:20 – “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live...”
“What if self-denial isn’t about working hard to suppress the old me,” I continue, “but about agreeing with God that the old me already died? That what Jesus is inviting us into is not constant self-crucifixion, but daily recognition of what’s already true in Him?”
Jordan blinks. “So you’re saying I don’t need to kill the old me every day?”
“Exactly. That guy’s already dead.”
Identity vs. Self-Denial: The Real Tension
Jordan still looks cautious. “But what about all the daily stuff? The temptations, the selfish thoughts, the desires to go my own way. I feel like I still need to deny myself.”
I nod. “We do say no to the flesh—but not because we’re trying to kill it. We say no because it’s no longer who we are. It’s not your identity anymore. Romans 6:6 says your old self was crucified with Christ, and now you’re to reckon yourself dead to sin and alive to God. The battle isn’t to become dead—it’s to believe and live from the truth that you already are.”
“It’s not about suppressing who you are,” I add. “It’s about embracing who you are in Christ. The more you know your true identity, the more denying the flesh becomes the natural overflow of the Spirit.”
A Grace-Filled Appeal
The old way says, Keep dying to self.
The Gospel says, You already died—and now Christ is your life.
Yes, there’s surrender. Yes, there’s sacrifice. But it’s not to earn God’s favor or kill the old man again. It’s a joyful letting go, because you’ve already been made new. You deny the flesh not because you’re trying to prove something, but because you know it’s not your source anymore.
You are no longer in Adam—you’re in Christ. You don’t need to find yourself in surrender. You find yourself in Him.
So today, don’t focus on denying yourself into exhaustion. Focus on walking in who you already are—a new creation, joined to Jesus, alive from the dead. That’s where true surrender becomes freedom.
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