Fall to Pieces: A Journey from Longing to Restoration
Music has a unique way of giving voice to the deepest parts of our souls. For me, the song Fall to Pieces by Velvet Revolver struck a chord during a particularly difficult season of my life. Scott Weiland’s raw, pained vocals and Slash’s hauntingly beautiful guitar mirrored a longing I couldn’t quite put into words—a yearning for the fellowship with God I had experienced in my early days as a believer.
At the time, I felt distant from the Lord. The lyrics, though likely about a personal relationship, reminded me of my own spiritual longing:
"It’s been a long year since you’ve been gone…
All alone, I fall to pieces."
For twenty long years, I struggled with depression and anxiety, longing for the deep fellowship I had with God when I first became a Christian. Surrounded by mature believers early on, I suspect I was living off their faith rather than fully grounding myself in Christ. When those supports were removed, I was left feeling spiritually adrift.
And yet, what I have come to realize since then is that my feelings were deceptive. The Bible tells me that God was never far away. Like the father in the parable of the prodigal son, He was patiently waiting for me to return to Him—not with condemnation, but with open arms of love and grace.
A Longing for Fellowship
In hindsight, my longing was not just for relief from depression but for the kind of intimacy with God that only He can provide. The line from the song, “Will I find you? Can I find you?” captures the aching question I wrestled with for years. I now see that my heart’s cry was a reflection of the greater truth: that God was with me and in me all along, even when I couldn’t sense His presence.
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” I couldn’t have articulated it at the time, but God was quietly working in my life, even in the silence and darkness. My feelings didn’t define His faithfulness; His Word did.
The Deceptive Nature of Feelings
One of the hardest lessons I learned during those years was that feelings, while real and valid, are not always truthful. I felt abandoned by God, but Scripture tells me He is “the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). I felt unworthy of His love, but the Gospel proclaims that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
Feelings can scream loudly in the midst of depression and anxiety, but they don’t change the eternal truth of who God is and what He has done for us. He is constant, even when we waver.
The Joy of Restoration
What I couldn’t see then—but rejoice in now—is that those years of pain were not wasted. They were woven into God’s redemptive plan, drawing me closer to Himself. Even as I voluntarily played the prodigal, God was at work, using my wandering for good (Romans 8:28). Like the prodigal son, I eventually “came to myself” and recognized that God’s love had never wavered. In truth, I didn’t just come to myself—I came to the end of myself.
James 1:2-4 reminds us:
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
This truth leaves me in awe. Trials not only refine us but grant us the incredible privilege of witnessing Christ at work in and through us. Looking back, I can now smile—not at the pain itself, but at how the Lord revealed His beauty through it. He was transforming me, and in His grace, He allowed me to see His glorious work in others as well. Those moments of grace, even in the midst of darkness, have become treasures I wouldn’t trade for anything.
An Invitation to Return
To anyone who feels distant from God, let me encourage you: He has not left you. Like the father in Luke 15, He is watching, waiting, and ready to run toward you the moment you turn to Him. Whether your feelings tell you otherwise or not, His love for you is steadfast and unchanging.
If you find yourself falling to pieces, take heart. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and He delights in restoring those who return to Him.
A Prayer of Hope
Father, thank You for never leaving or forsaking me, even when my feelings told me otherwise. Thank You for being a constant presence in my life, patiently waiting for me to return to You. For anyone reading this who feels distant or broken, I ask that You draw them close. Remind them of Your steadfast love and faithfulness. May they see Your beauty, even in their trials, and experience the joy of Your restoration. In Jesus’ name, Amen.