A Spiritual Journey Into Appropriating One’s Identity in Christ: My Story

The following is my answer to a discussion question asked by our professor, Dr. Kerlin, in my Foundations in Counseling course at Luther Rice Seminary. She asked each of us to write about our spiritual identity as a new covenant Christian.

Before March of 2020, I spent the previous 20 years of my Christian walk living by sight and not by faith (2 Cor. 5:7). Surprisingly, I was entirely unaware of it. Yet there were nagging signs and symptoms of this reality, and I knew instinctively that something was wrong. In retrospect, I have since learned that I was living out my Christian faith based on my feelings regarding my walk with Christ. The following is a long-winded way of telling you my story about appropriating my true identity as a Christian, which I discovered was in Christ alone.  

I had great success in my Christian walk and in my various ministries in the first 5 years after becoming a believer. I experienced nothing but spiritual highs, accompanied with feelings of happiness and contentment. I was surrounded (entirely) by mature Christians who possessed great faith in Christ and expressed that faith through their outward walk. Additionally, looking back, my early theological influences were solid and balanced… truly biblically based. Life was good. Then …

… my wife and I made a major life decision and moved to another state. Gone was our support structure of mature Saints and a loving, godly pastor. We went from church to church in our new location, looking for that “special experience” that we were so used to in the past. Instead, all we found were churches that were saturated in the doctrines of positional and legal truths about what it meant to be a follower of Christ. The life-giving principles of regeneration were never discussed. As a relatively new believer, I fell into a theological and spiritual trap. My feelings about my walk with Christ became one of defeat. Instead of viewing myself as a beloved Saint like I did during my first 5 years of Christianity, I was now taught that I was a dirty, rotten sinner who was saved by grace, one that will sin in thought, word, and deed on a daily basis. No hope for victorious Christian living. I could expect nothing more from my Christian faith. From that point on I began my 20-year journey into what I call a spiritual desert. It was a Christian walk based on feelings, which in turn was based on my identity as a dirty, rotten sinner. And those feelings were rarely good.

It’s important to note that except for my first year as a Christian, I never doubted my salvation. In that I was secure. I had saving faith. But my day to day attitude towards my faith walk was now based on how I was feeling things were going between me and God at any particular moment.  I wondered quite often, “What does God think of me today?” Victory in the Christian life now alluded me … for 20 years.

Feelings are very real and quite powerful, but truth cannot be found through them. I am convinced that truth regarding the Christian walk can only be found in the Word of God, and not through subjective feelings. For example, 1 John 3:1 tells me, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God? And that is what we are!”[1] Note the emphasis on the latter part of the verse. I AM a child of God. Feelings have absolutely nothing do with it. What John stated is a FACT. It is up to me to reckon that to be true, and ACT knowing that it is true. I was once told that facts (the truth) plus faith (belief) plus action, leads to proper feelings. I am now seeing the validity of that statement. I can see how my beliefs control how I respond to my feelings. My responsibility is to maintain my thoughts on the truths contained in God’s Word, realizing that my feelings are not facts. My identity as a Christian has to be founded on biblical truth, and not my ever-changing feelings.

Dr. Kerlin asked each of us to write about our spiritual identity as a new covenant Christian. Up until eight months ago (March 2020), a negative attitude regarding my spiritual identity pervaded my thoughts. If I were taking this course when I should have taken it according to the recommended sequence (2019), my answers to her question would have been entirely different. As you can imagine from my previous comments, back then my identity was based on feelings of being unloved, unacceptable, unworthy, inadequate, and a Christian failure.  At times I felt fearful, anxious, weak, not good enough, in bondage, and unwanted. I felt guilty and, sadly, often depressed. I felt there was nothing really that special about me. There were times when I felt hopeless, condemned and alone. I had an unbalanced concern with Satan and his minions and an equally unbalanced view of his authority. I had little confidence, despite all of my secular training and degrees. All in all, a pretty sad testimony for a 59-year-old man who was a Christian for 25 years of those years. Yet, oddly enough, I was called to Christian counseling … a classic fulfillment of Henry Nouwen’s so-called, “Wounded Healer,” I thought. In college we used to say that people majored in psychology because they believed that it would be an ideal way to figure out solutions to their own problems. Perhaps the same applied to me, I thought. Fortunately, God had other plans.

Although Paul wrote it in a different context, I nevertheless rejoice with him when he joyfully proclaims, “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:25). God miraculously brought victory into my life. I praise God that these feelings are no longer predominant in my mind, for I have appropriated my true identity in Christ. I have exchanged my old life in Adam for my life in Christ. I can confidently say that I now walk by faith and not by sight (feelings, in my case). This has been settled in my life at the Cross. I rejoice with Paul who so wonderfully states, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20). As Dr. Charles Solomon often says, “it’s amazing what death can cure.”

Folks, I am truly excited about the transformation that the Holy Spirit has produced in my life since attending Dr. Solomon’s Sprituotherapy Workshop in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee this past March. I can’t wait to share the following good news with my counselees; good news that was shared to us during a lesson at the Spirituotherapy workshop which in turn was based on the teachings of Rev. Paul Travis. These biblical truths were reinforced in my mind after reading Dr. Gillham’s book, Lifetime Guarantee. These are Scriptural truths that accompany our appropriation of our true identity in Christ and have had great influence recently on my life. I am writing in the first person for impact and personalization, yet it is true for all born-again believers in Christ. 

I am loved! (John 15:9; Rom. 8:35-39; Eph. 2:4-6; 1 John 3:16; 1 John 4:10, 19)

I am accepted! (John 15:15, 16; Eph. 1:3-6)

I am worthy! (Rom. 8:31-34; 1 Cor. 6:19, 20; 2 Cor. 5:21)

I am adequate! (2 Cor 2:14; 2 Cor 3:5,6; 2 Cor 12:9; Phil. 4:13)

I am victorious! (Rom 8:37, 2 Cor 2:14; 1 John 5:4)

I am free from fear! (Ps. 4:8; Ps. 27:1; Ps. 32:7; 2 Tim. 1:7; 1 John 4:18)

I am content! (Ps 4:8; Ps. 37:5; Ps. 55:22; Phil 4:6,7,11; Heb 13:5; 1 Pet 5:7)

I am strong in Christ! (Acts 1:8; 2 Cor. 12:9, 10; Eph. 1:19; Eph 3:16; Phil 4:13)

I have God’s wisdom! (John 15:15; John 16:13 ,14; 1 Cor. 1:30; James 1:5, 1 John 2:20, 21, 27)

I am free! (John 8:32, 36; 2 Cor 3:17; Gal 5:1, 13a)

I have been adopted by God and am His child! (Rom. 8:16, 17; Gal. 4:5-7; 1 John 3:2)

I am totally forgiven! (Eph. 1:7; Eph. 2:13; Col 1:14)

I am the joy of the Lord! (John 15:11; John 17:13; Rom 15:13; 1 John 1:4)

I have been chosen, set apart by God! (John 15:16; 1 Cor. 1:30;  Cor 6:11; 1 Pet. 2:9)

I have all the hope I need! (Rom. 8:20-25; Rom. 15:4, 13; Col. 1:26, 27; 1 Pet. 1:3)

I am blameless! (John 3:18; John 5:24; Rom. 8:1)

I am never alone! (Rom. 8:38, 39; Heb. 13:5)

I have access to God! (Eph. 2:18; Heb 4:14-16; 1 Pet 2:5, 9; 1 John 5:14, 15)

I have authority over Satan! (Col. 1:13; 1 John 4:4; Rev. 12:7-11)

I have all the confidence I need! (Prov. 3:26; Prov. 14:26; Prov. 28:1; Eph. 3:12; Phil 1:6; Heb. 10:19; 1 John 5:14)

What amazing truths. In summary, I spent my life as a believer trying to live the victorious Christian life. I have since learned that only Christ can live the Christian life victoriously. I now exercise my faith that he will live the victorious Christian life (His life) in and through me. Only now do I understand what that means. It used to be just words. Not anymore. Such freedom!

If this testimony resonates with you, please continue reading other entries in my blog in order to learn more about the Galatians 2:20 truths of appropriating your identity in Christ.

[1] Unless otherwise noted, all biblical passages referenced employ The Holy Bible, New International Version (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 1984).