Compassionate Counseling: Seeing Through the Eyes of Christ

"Grace in Action: Loving Others as Christ Does."

When counseling those who suffer or struggle, the language we choose reveals much about how deeply we understand our calling. Recently, I encountered an article titled "Dealing with a Disappointing Counselee" by Joshua Greiner, published through ACBC. While the intent behind the piece may certainly be honorable, I find myself gently questioning whether the approach and wording align fully with a Christ-centered, grace-oriented, exchanged life perspective.

Considering the Title: "Dealing with a Disappointing Counselee?"

Immediately, the title raised some concerns. From an exchanged-life viewpoint—a perspective that celebrates and relies upon Christ living His life through us—the wording feels mechanical, clinical, and somewhat disconnected from the heart of Christ.

The term "dealing" implies managing an inconvenience or correcting something problematic, much like one might repair a car or fix a leak. But people aren't broken objects to be fixed—they are beloved creations of God, in whom Christ dwells (or desires to dwell), and whose hearts He passionately pursues.

Further, the concept of a "disappointing counselee" implies that our expectations and evaluations should dictate the value of another person's journey. But Christ never expressed disappointment at those who suffered or struggled sincerely. Frustration or disappointment comes from unmet expectations—something deeply human but not reflective of Christ's compassionate and patient spirit.

What is Our True Role?

When approaching counseling from a Christ-centered, grace-oriented exchanged life lens, our role isn't to manage or "fix" people. Rather, we are privileged participants, serving alongside Christ as He patiently ministers through us. Jesus came as a gentle Shepherd who walked alongside the hurting, inviting them to rest in Him, not as a problem to solve, but as beloved children needing reassurance and comfort.

Christ, knowing the depths of human frailty and struggle, invited others into a restful, dependent relationship with Himself (Matthew 11:28–30). He consistently modeled patient compassion, recognizing human weakness as an invitation to draw nearer, rather than pushing away or labeling someone as disappointing.

Reflecting Christ's Compassionate Heart

Joshua Greiner's article does rightly point out some important truths—specifically, that difficult counseling situations are opportunities for personal humility and growth. However, from an exchanged-life perspective, I would emphasize even more strongly that every counseling relationship is a precious opportunity for Christ to express His life through us. We are not simply "managing" problems—we're bearing Christ’s very presence into another’s life.

If we find ourselves feeling disappointed or frustrated, perhaps we've subtly shifted from relying upon Christ to relying upon our preparation, performance, or counseling techniques. Frustration often signals fleshly expectations creeping into what should be a spirit-dependent ministry.

How Christ Transforms Our Approach

Instead of "dealing" with someone, we are called to "walk alongside" in humility, listening closely and tenderly guiding another to the sufficiency of Christ Himself. Our goal is not to measure a counselee’s progress against our timeline or expectation but to compassionately invite them again and again into intimate fellowship with Christ—the true source of healing, hope, and transformation.

When disappointment surfaces, it's a gentle indicator to recenter our reliance upon Christ, remembering that He alone brings transformation. Our calling is beautifully simple: to yield ourselves moment-by-moment, allowing Christ's indwelling life and gracious patience to be expressed through our words, attitudes, and presence.

Adjusting Our Vocabulary, Adjusting Our Hearts

Instead of "dealing," let's lovingly walk alongside. Rather than viewing individuals as disappointments, let's see them as precious opportunities entrusted to us by the Lord. Instead of pushing someone through a process, let us patiently abide with them, trusting the Holy Spirit to gently and faithfully accomplish His work in and through them (Philippians 1:6; 2:13).

When we choose grace-filled, compassionate language, our hearts naturally align with Christ’s perspective. It is through humility and tender reliance on Him that we become truly effective counselors, reflecting Christ’s loving heart to those He places in our care.

A Grace-Centered Prayer:

Father, thank You for entrusting us with souls who suffer and long for freedom. We praise You that we are not called to "deal with" problems, but rather invited to gently love and patiently accompany others into Your restful presence. We trust You, Lord, to live Your life through us in every counseling relationship, removing our fleshly expectations and replacing them with Christ-like compassion. Thank You that Your grace is sufficient, Your patience endless, and Your transforming love unfailing.

May this approach always characterize our counseling—one of patient compassion, tender grace, and gentle guidance toward the heart of Jesus Christ.

Based on reflections from Joshua Greiner’s article "Dealing with a Disappointing Counselee," reinterpreted through a Christ-centered, grace-oriented exchanged-life perspective.

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